This is part of our Us Meets World blog. Feel free to answer this question on your own blog. "What is your biggest fear?" Send me a link and I'll post your blog along with all the others.
Fear is an interesting thing. On the
one hand, we all deal with it. There is no one who is truly fearless.
Even sociopaths who feel no emotions, as we understand them, still
wake up in the morning, eat food, go to the bathroom and all other
basic human survival elements. In the most primal way, they do not
want to die.
Which is a common fear for many,
Thanatophobia, the fear of death. It's not particularly high on my
list though. We all get old, our bodies break down and we die. If you
have the misfortune to skip the getting old and body breaking down
steps, that's all it is...misfortune.
What am I afraid of?
Let me first explain that I am
something of a smile/laughter seeker. I want to cause people to
laugh, to be happy, to enjoy a tiny portion of life. I try not to be
the obnoxious, class-clown type (although I went through that phase). I want your day to be a little bit better after having
been around me.
Over time though I've come to realize
that my charms are not universal. Not everyone likes me. More
importantly, I don't like everyone. There are a lot of closed minded,
ignorant people who can really screw with my day. Having learned
these things, I no longer try to be constantly funny or entertaining.
If you annoy me, I am pretty quick to disengage and get you out of my
life as quickly as possible.
For people that I like, people I enjoy
being around or talking to...for them I will go to the ends of the
earth trying to please them. It's not a fact I broadcast much. I've
been burned a few times by soul-draining humans who will take
advantage of poor saps like me. However, for those on the inside of
my "circle of trust" there is very little I will not do.
Car broke down 150 miles away? No problem. Need $500 to pay rent. Here's a check. Killed someone and need help hiding the
body? I'll get the shovel Rolando friend.
My biggest fear then is hurting one of
those people. One of those people who I would have done anything for.
When I create a situation that I can not fix and have done irrerable
harm. Yes, it has happened before. And I don't want it to happen
again. Hence, biggest fear. When you have that mindset regarding a
certain person it's incredibly heartbreaking when they no longer want
anything to do with you. It's even worse if I never told them how
highly I valued them.
At the end of the day my greatest fear
is one that is incredibly simple and incredibly self-generated.
Notice there is not a whole lot of outside influence involved in my
fear. No one is dumping a tank of snakes on me; although I imagine
that to be uncomfortable and, depending on the size of the tank,
possibly deadly. My fear is internal. Both self-created and
self-inflicting. Absolutely terrifying because the only person in
control is the one person hardest to control, myself.