Showing posts with label William James. Show all posts
"Whenever two people meet, there are really six people present. There is each man as he sees himself, each man as the other person sees him, and each man as he really is." -William James
I will divide these thoughts into three blogs and link each here as they become completed.
Part One: Himself
Part Two: Others
Part Three: Truth
There are six people present.
There is each man as he really is.
There are many directions this post can go. Spiritual is the one that jumps into my mind first. There is either some type of spiritual void before and after we die, or there is not. I don't have any great insights to lend to that conversation and my personal opinions, at least for now, will be kept personal.
I ask that we move beyond the initial spiritual question of defining who we really are. For one who believes, the answer is usually simple; there is our true selves, and God knows whom that is.
I can't speak to what God knows.
What I am interested in is the problem of identifying ourselves.
We are bound by certain sociological factors. Culture, time period, parents, friends. More importantly, language.
You are funny.
Stay with me here because it gets a little crazy. I'm also assuming you've read the other posts.
Who is that sentence referring to? You are funny. Obviously, it is spoken by a second person (in this case me). It is being said to you, but which you? Am I saying that to the person I perceive you are, the person you perceive you are, or the person you really are?
(That was tough, I know. Read it again if you must.)
All these people exist. All these creations are real. Now we are trying to get at truth. Are you truly funny? Or is the man I imagine you are funny? How can we decipher these differences?
More mind boggling...what does the word funny mean? My long-time philosophical question on the subject: Is a joke funny if no one laughs? Is a person funny if no one thinks he is?
I know this is heavily philosophical. I can't deal in reality for this part because I don't have any specific answers. Only more questions.
Language is obviously defined by society. If you need convincing ask the thirteen year old version of myself what the word sick means...the answer is cool. "That's sick man."
Is language truth though? When I say something am I actually speaking about the true object?
If you know another language fluently you've probably come across those specific phrases that have no translation. This boggles my mind. There is no word, maybe no combination of words, in the entire language that can define what another human being is experiencing.
Obviously, their experiences are happening. They are "true". But I can not define them. I can not explain them. I can not know them.
It seems like this happens all the time. Language is one of the first separators from truth, reality, actuality. Of course, it is also necessary.
Try describing yourself in seven words or less. It doesn't need to be complete sentences. I'll give you an example:
Kind. Smart. Funny. Tired. Hungry. Happy. Quiet.
Now try and count the definitions for each of those words. Then count the translations into other languages. Then study and immerse yourself in those languages enough so you know that what your saying is actually defining "kind" and not "generous." Then in each of those languages you are now an expert in, find the root of whatever word you are saying, trace it back as far as you can. As you can see, it's incredibly difficult to say only a few simple words and truly understand the meaning.
Can we ever know our true selves when even the language we use is confining, restricting, and impeding? (See what I did there, I used three words that all mean the same thing. Which is a joke fans of The West Wing will appreciate).
Again, this is not the post for answers. At the very least I hope that you have gained some questions of your own. Maybe questions you've never thought of before. That was my goal tonight.
"It's the questions we can't answer that teach us the most. They teach us how to think. If you give a man an answer, all he gains is a little fact. But give him a question and he'll look for his own answers." -Patrick Rothfusss
Faced with the unending questions that come with any philosophical inquiry I am left with only this:
We must understand that life is complicated, and complicated further by our own actions.
We must be humble in our dealings with others.
We must understand that there are things that we do not know.
There are six people present.
Who are you, really?
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"Whenever two people meet, there are really six people present. There is each man as he sees himself, each man as the other person sees him, and each man as he really is." -William James
I will divide these thoughts into three blogs and link each here as they become completed.
Part One: Himself
There are six people present.
There is each man as the other person sees him.
This is really where our personal perspectives come into play quite heavily. We create the world we see through a complex system of incoming stimuli. When you receive similar stimuli to others around you, you are deemed healthy. If you perceive anything other than what those around you understand, you are outcasted and deemed ill.
Part of this stimuli regards people. How we see one another. How I see you. How you see me. As I wrote about last time, neither of these images is "correct."
I've created hundreds of people this way. Maybe thousands. Maybe hundreds of thousands.
Apologies, I just liked the word play of that last sentence.
I know my family quite well. I know my friends. I know my girlfriends (past and present, not concurrent). I know acquaintances. I know strangers.
I've created an image of them in my mind. I am able to recall that image at will or when they suddenly are back in my life.
In reality, I know next to nothing about any of those people. What makes us think that by passing encounters with an individual that we know them?
A sad poem from Watchmen.
I heard a joke once: Man goes to doctor.
Says he's depressed.
Says life is harsh and cruel.
Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.
Doctor says, "Treatment is simple.
The great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight.
Go see him.
That should pick you up."
Man bursts into tears.
Says, "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."
Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains.
I'm sure the doctor knew Pagliacci.
In a stunning act of creation, we create everyone we know. We update them, and file them, and shade in the edges, and sometimes erase and start all over.
I'm sure most have seen Inception. Remember at the end of the movie when Cob (Leonardo DiCaprio) tells fake-Mal that there is no way he could have re-created her from his memories. All her complexities, all her imperfections, all her perfections. There was just too much for him to ever get it right.
Embedding was disabled by request, but here is the scene.
Embedding was disabled by request, but here is the scene.
That's us. We are all Cobs. Building our own world's and filling it not with people but with projections. How could we ever truly grasp the complexities, the imperfections, or the perfections of another human being?
Yet, that is exactly what we try to do. It scares me. Even those I feel closest to can never be the "real" thing. What does my best friend think of when he is alone? Does he cry at night? Does he dance when no one is looking? What are his struggles and his strengths? Do I really know any of these things?
How could I?
And so -to simplify- our brain creates images of others. Shadows of the true self. It makes our lives easier.
It is a distortion we must be aware of. We can not fool ourselves into thinking we know anyone else for who they really are.
We must be humble when dealing with others.
"The great challenge of being a human is comprehending that everyone else is human and is stuck inside of their own brains just as you are stuck inside of yours, and that all of them are also frightened and excited and desperately searching for friends and lovers and everything." -John Green
"The great challenge of being a human is comprehending that everyone else is human and is stuck inside of their own brains just as you are stuck inside of yours, and that all of them are also frightened and excited and desperately searching for friends and lovers and everything." -John Green
Six people are present.
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"Whenever two people meet, there are really six people present. There is each man as he sees himself, each man as the other person sees him, and each man as he really is." -William James
I will divide these thoughts into three blogs and link each here as they become completed.
Part One: Himself
This is an idea I've wanted to tackle for awhile now. I've mentioned it before on the podcast and maybe hinted at it once or twice on the blog. Now I move forth to take the issue on with all the gusto I can muster.
I am unsure where I first read that quote, but it is something I have felt for many years. Not necessarily in those exact words. (Rarely, did I ever add the "man as he really is" to my own thoughts.) This division of who we are and the stresses that places on all of us.
When two people meet there are six people present.
There is each man as he sees himself.
Over the past week I have moved to a new town where barely a dozen people know my name. I have been introduced to countless people, most of whom I will not be able to recall when we meet again. By this time next week I will have been introduced to an additional 236 of my students.
Each and every one of these people has formed an opinion of me. And depending who you are and how you know me, their opinion of me may not even describe the same person you know. But I am getting ahead of myself, that is next post's topic.
What I can guarantee is that not one of the dozens of people I have met nor the the 236 students who will meet me will see me as I see myself.
When I go into a conversation, a meeting, a gathering, a party; I am constantly aware that I'm about to lie to everyone around me. Depending on the circumstance it could be large lies or small lies. Regardless, I will be attempting to deceive people around me.
I will be presenting them a version of myself that is not who I believe I am. I think it may be worse because of how conscious I am of this fact. Perhaps being able to claim ignorance makes one less guilty.
How I see myself is complicated. This may- again- be attributed to my consciousness of these social lies. Imagine every time that you gave an answer that you didn't quite believe, every time you laughed at a joke that you didn't find funny, every time you said you were fine when you were having a rough day; it was immediately logged away and a big blinker went off in your head that said, "lie, lie, lie." That's kind of what I got going on in this noggin.
Either you read the above passage and you said, "He's crazy." or you read it and said, "I get that." How you answered will greatly affect whether or not you are able to relate to this post, and the two that will follow.
Who I am often gets confused if I can't keep all these little lies in place. Does Jamie from church think I like her cookies? Does Jimmy from work think I like when he cracks jokes about our co-workers? Does Jared from 2nd period think I'm a hard-ass because I gave him detention. It's tough sometimes for me to keep everything straight.
Here it goes:
I think I am reasonable and rational. I think I am a good listener and a good speaker. I think I am in touch and responsive to my emotions and to others. I think I am good with people when I chose to be. I think I am smart. I think I am good at taking in multiple points of view. I think I have decent control over how I am viewed by others. I think I am observant. I think I am protective of those I care about but I've over-protected myself to let very few people in. I think I am a good man.
I know that any problem relating to confusion is self-created. If I could only tell the truth 100% of the time to everyone around me I would be all good. I don't know if I could do that.
Could you?
Six people are present.
How do you see yourself?
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