This is my
first post in what will become a fairly regular series beginning next
week. The idea sprang when one of the people I went to college with
wrote a blog about dating, and then another friend wrote their
thoughts, and then another, and now me. We started this chain
reaction of thought all circling around one concept. So over the next
week or two we will solidify our plans to create a weekly blog on one
topic- viewed from different perspectives.
The
originator was Izzy. The reply was from Allison. The idea came forth
on Kandace's blog. Katelyn soon joined in. And now it is my turn.
Men and women
can't be friends. Not shouldn't, or it's not a good idea. They can't.
At the end of the day, sexual tension will always get in the way.
Fans of
movies will realize that I'm just rehashing a point made much more
eloquently in When Harry Met Sally.
The funny
thing is that this is a perfect example of art reflecting life. Men
and women can not be friends. I suppose our societal structures are
partially to blame, maybe it is not as biological as I make it out to
be. I fully admit that there is a possibility I'm wrong.
Except for
all the men who are agreeing with me already.
The biggest
problem comes with people's definition of the word friend. It's too
casual at the moment. What you're thinking of is an acquaintance.
Someone you know from social interactions or school or work. You know
them, you are aware of their existence as another human being, you
may even exchange pleasantries from time to time.
That does not
make them a friend.
Friends are
confidants. They are the people you are closest to and can share
everything with. It's the guy you call to bail you of jail or the
girl who leaves her sisters' wedding because you broke up with your
boyfriend and can't stop crying. Friends are rare.
Most
importantly, you are attracted to your friend. There personality is
interesting to you. That's why you're able to play video games for 8
hours straight, or talk non-stop, or not-talk non-stop; and you still
find them pleasing to be around. You like being around them because
you are attracted to them.
You're
attracted to them for reasons that are completely beyond physicality
and biology. You are attracted to their soul, their essence, their
actuality. You are attracted to who they are as a person.
When it comes
to men and women, the first reason you are attracted to a member of
the opposite sex is because they are a member of the opposite sex.
The soul, their essence, their actuality? That is nice...but it is a
secondary concern when you're presented with your biological nirvana
only meters away.
Now whether
that dynamic is one-sided, or mutually felt is irrelevant. It doesn't
matter that you don't like him, or you think she is ugly. In fact,
you could both not like one another. If you're "friends"
eventually it will all lead back to the same place. If you hang out
with a person because you enjoy their company, because they interest
you, because you enjoy them as a person...eventually, you'll start
wondering why you aren't sleeping together/dating/married.
The line, "I
want to marry my best friend" is misleading. It's more like,
"The person I marry will become my best friend." You can't
marry you're best friend. That would imply that sex was never a
factor in your relationship...which is obviously false because you
are getting married. It would imply that you already reached a point
in your relationship when sex was not an issue. That you saw beyond
it, that you saw the real person sitting across from you. And if you
were able to accomplish that then my reaction is first, that you're
lying to me or yourself, and second that you are the exception not
the rule.
The simple
truth is that everyone you know who enjoys your company, who wants to
spend time with you, who likes interacting with you; is interested in
being more than "friends." And the even simpler answer to
your next question of, "Why?" is, "Why wouldn't they
be?" Why would a person who enjoys everything about you not want
to spend as much time with you as possible? Why would they not want
to experience, what most consider, to be the one thing that brings
two people closer together than anything else?
I know this
is disagreeable material, but if you are honest with yourself I think
you can understand what I'm saying. I think you'll realize how often
the issue comes up. How many times you've wanted something with
someone and when those feeling weren't returned you played it cool so
you could still be "friends." Be honest, if you're still
friends it's because you are hoping that one day the other person
will change their mind.