This is my
first post in what will become a fairly regular series beginning next
week. The idea sprang when one of the people I went to college with
wrote a blog about dating, and then another friend wrote their
thoughts, and then another, and now me. We started this chain
reaction of thought all circling around one concept. So over the next
week or two we will solidify our plans to create a weekly blog on one
topic- viewed from different perspectives.
The
originator was Izzy. The reply was from Allison. The idea came forth
on Kandace's blog. Katelyn soon joined in. And now it is my turn.
Men and women
can't be friends. Not shouldn't, or it's not a good idea. They can't.
At the end of the day, sexual tension will always get in the way.
Fans of
movies will realize that I'm just rehashing a point made much more
eloquently in When Harry Met Sally.
The funny
thing is that this is a perfect example of art reflecting life. Men
and women can not be friends. I suppose our societal structures are
partially to blame, maybe it is not as biological as I make it out to
be. I fully admit that there is a possibility I'm wrong.
Except for
all the men who are agreeing with me already.
The biggest
problem comes with people's definition of the word friend. It's too
casual at the moment. What you're thinking of is an acquaintance.
Someone you know from social interactions or school or work. You know
them, you are aware of their existence as another human being, you
may even exchange pleasantries from time to time.
That does not
make them a friend.
Friends are
confidants. They are the people you are closest to and can share
everything with. It's the guy you call to bail you of jail or the
girl who leaves her sisters' wedding because you broke up with your
boyfriend and can't stop crying. Friends are rare.
Most
importantly, you are attracted to your friend. There personality is
interesting to you. That's why you're able to play video games for 8
hours straight, or talk non-stop, or not-talk non-stop; and you still
find them pleasing to be around. You like being around them because
you are attracted to them.
You're
attracted to them for reasons that are completely beyond physicality
and biology. You are attracted to their soul, their essence, their
actuality. You are attracted to who they are as a person.
When it comes
to men and women, the first reason you are attracted to a member of
the opposite sex is because they are a member of the opposite sex.
The soul, their essence, their actuality? That is nice...but it is a
secondary concern when you're presented with your biological nirvana
only meters away.
Now whether
that dynamic is one-sided, or mutually felt is irrelevant. It doesn't
matter that you don't like him, or you think she is ugly. In fact,
you could both not like one another. If you're "friends"
eventually it will all lead back to the same place. If you hang out
with a person because you enjoy their company, because they interest
you, because you enjoy them as a person...eventually, you'll start
wondering why you aren't sleeping together/dating/married.
The line, "I
want to marry my best friend" is misleading. It's more like,
"The person I marry will become my best friend." You can't
marry you're best friend. That would imply that sex was never a
factor in your relationship...which is obviously false because you
are getting married. It would imply that you already reached a point
in your relationship when sex was not an issue. That you saw beyond
it, that you saw the real person sitting across from you. And if you
were able to accomplish that then my reaction is first, that you're
lying to me or yourself, and second that you are the exception not
the rule.
The simple
truth is that everyone you know who enjoys your company, who wants to
spend time with you, who likes interacting with you; is interested in
being more than "friends." And the even simpler answer to
your next question of, "Why?" is, "Why wouldn't they
be?" Why would a person who enjoys everything about you not want
to spend as much time with you as possible? Why would they not want
to experience, what most consider, to be the one thing that brings
two people closer together than anything else?
I know this
is disagreeable material, but if you are honest with yourself I think
you can understand what I'm saying. I think you'll realize how often
the issue comes up. How many times you've wanted something with
someone and when those feeling weren't returned you played it cool so
you could still be "friends." Be honest, if you're still
friends it's because you are hoping that one day the other person
will change their mind.
- Comments Off • Category: friends, love, Men and women, When Harry Met Sally
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Occupy Wall Street is now a worldwide
protest that started in New York City on September 17th,
2011. I've kept my opinions in reserve as I watched this all develop,
but there are too many things going on that too many people are
missing to remain quiet.
Below I've pulled some of the most
watched videos about some of the events that have happened since
Occupy Wall Street started. I'll give a description as an intro and
give my opinion at the end while trying to remain as neutral as I
can.
The first video is one of the first
clips I saw. Protestors are netted off and a white shirt police
officer (Tony Balogna) approaches them and pepper sprays the crowd,
leaving two women on their knees screaming.
This particular video is slowed down
and highlights key points. I like it better because you can see what
is going on, in reality it all happens very quickly. The unedited
video is available on youtube.
The second video is of a marine
shouting down several police officers. It's long and repetitive yet
if you stick around and watch the whole thing you'll notice that
there are dozens of officers that look ready to approach the crowd
and then do not.
The third video is of a group of people
getting arrested at a local (New York) Citibank. They were attempting
to close their bank accounts at Citibank. The bank locked them in the
store until police arrived and everyone was arrested. About half way
through the video you'll notice a woman outside is dragged back
indoors and arrested.
*Okay, bias coming, but I want to put
it out there before you watch the video. Notice the woman who is
picked up and dragged inside is being lifted by a man in plain
clothes. He is wearing a black sweatshirt with some white writing on
it and a black hat. This is an undercover police officer. Numerous eyewitness accounts say that this man was the loudest protestor
inside the bank, attempting to rile the crowd up, then-when everyone
was arrested and taken to the police station- he laughed in their
faces.
Personal Opinion
These videos are all shocking and have
had me on edge for the last few weeks. My general feeling on Occupy
Wall Street is that it's too incoherent to fully understand. Talk to
one person and they want to audit the Federal Reserve. Talk to
another and they want to end the stock market, or legalize
prostitution, or it's just a great party.
There's no leadership or structure.
It's a hodgepodge of random people, probably started by college-aged
adults, but certainly no longer limited to that segment of the
population.
At this point the movement, at least to
me, seems to be a collection of people who feel as if something is
wrong with the way this country operates. And I wholeheartedly agree.
The Federal Reserve was recently partially audited and it was revealed that $16 trillion (Yes,
with a "t") had been given out to US banks, corporations,
and foreign banks between 2007-2010. That's more than our debt, more
than our GDP, more than any budget being debated by congress. And you
didn't have the slightest idea it was happening. Nobody did. Too many
people still don't know.
The Worst Part
Occupy Wall Street is being attacked by
the wrong people. Cops are not the enemy, at least most of them are
not. Most police officers are hardworking individuals trying to do
their jobs. However, when a bank, JP Morgan, donates $4.6 million to the NYPD- some higher-ups in the PD may start giving directions a
little one-sided. This isn't a mystery either. There was no Woodward
and Bernstein who found some secret accountant with all the dirty
details. During the Occupy Wall Street protests, JP Morgan publicly
announced they were giving the NYPD $4.6 million dollars. The next day 700+ people were arrested on the Brooklyn Bridge.
If this was Batman, Falcone just bought
the Gotham Police. (Sorry, playing a lot of Arkham City lately).
The Best Part
Nothing like this has ever happened
before. The internet makes it possible for any person to see a
situation from multiple perspectives. So when the New York Times
changes the front page article on the arrest of 700+ protestors, you
can find out why.
A few google searches and youtube
videos will lead you to an interesting couple of stories about how
most protestors (including reporters on the ground) felt they were
being lead by police officers onto the Brooklyn Bridge. Then the cops
stopped, turned around, and arrested 700 people. The act is called
kettling. You may better know it has herding or corralling.
Everyone can see the differences in
people's stories. You can see where things are inconsistent and make
up your own mind. There are thousands of videos that provide
first-hand accounts as to what is actually happening.
I honestly don't know how I feel about
everything. The main thing I feel is nervous. This is exactly how
revolutions start. I'm not afraid- that would come much later and in
a much worse situation. I'm on-edge though. I feel like something big
could happen. Something monumental.
I don't know if I, or anyone, is ready
for that.
- Comments Off • Category: audit, Citibank arrests, Federal Reserve, kettling, Marine shouts down cops, Occupy Wall Street, OWS Anthony Balogna, Pepper Spray, police brutality, revolution
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A friend showed this to me and it was too amazing not to share.
Jason Reeves: We Are The Lovesick
we are the lovesick. the fearless ones.
the never giving up.
the hearts undone. sick with the desire to love. to live so far
beyond the boundaries given to us. we are the fence-hopping
fools who never stopped to read the signs. the ones that left
the world behind. like dreams we've drawn in neon light. just
moments in the sea of time. we are the lost ones wandering.
the soon to be smoldering. last to be found. the first to fall and
fail to fly then shatter on the ground. we are the rebels running
wild through a darkness that can swallow us. but we've set fire
to our souls. burning brilliant blinding gold. the flames that illuminate our lonely road. our futures holding fates untold. we are the ever-refusing to fold. to fade away or worse to lose. the few that bend and break apart the cages of our rules. born desperate for the promise of the mystery unknown. we are the lovesick. and just like the sun we will always rise. hope still shining in our eyes..
the hearts undone. sick with the desire to love. to live so far
beyond the boundaries given to us. we are the fence-hopping
fools who never stopped to read the signs. the ones that left
the world behind. like dreams we've drawn in neon light. just
moments in the sea of time. we are the lost ones wandering.
the soon to be smoldering. last to be found. the first to fall and
fail to fly then shatter on the ground. we are the rebels running
wild through a darkness that can swallow us. but we've set fire
to our souls. burning brilliant blinding gold. the flames that illuminate our lonely road. our futures holding fates untold. we are the ever-refusing to fold. to fade away or worse to lose. the few that bend and break apart the cages of our rules. born desperate for the promise of the mystery unknown. we are the lovesick. and just like the sun we will always rise. hope still shining in our eyes..
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I've been flying high and optimistic on
my last few posts in Zen and the Art of Teaching. You can see them
here.
Here's a little dose of realism that
nobody tells you while you're in college, that you don't understand
when you're in high school, and maybe nobody is brave enough to talk
about when you're an adult.
Eventually, you have to watch your kids
fail. You have to watch them get hurt. You have to see them cry. You
have to listen as they tell you horror stories about what happens to
them outside of school. Eventually, you have to watch some of them
die.
I believe every person handles these
things a little differently, but I know for a fact no one is prepared
for them. How can someone be prepared for a child you see all the
time to tell you they're being assaulted at home?
There is no way to prepare. So instead
we don't talk about it. No professor tells you in that intro
education class that eventually you'll have to deal with horrible,
terrible things happening to your students. To your kids.
I'm not a parent. I don't make any
claim to know what a parent feels like when something bad happens to
their child. But I can tell you that outside of their parents, I
interact with these kids more than any other adult. In the cases
where students despise what's happening to them at home, I interact
with them more than their "parents."
And it hurts like hell when something
bad happens to one of my kids.
I've already talked about the fact that
I am in a protector/rescuer by nature. That's just my instinct. I
want to help people in need. A past girlfriend of mine liked to refer
to the scene from The Blind Side when Leann Tuhoy is talking about
how high Michael Oher scored in protective instincts on an aptitude
test. This is partly because if I'd ever taken a test like that I
would have scored similarly to Oher, and partly because my past
girlfriend was a fan of mediocre sports movies.
Nobody talks about these things though.
Beyond the petty high school drama that gets joked about so often,
there are real, serious issues going on in our schools. I see some
people trying to do what they can to help those who have it the
worst. At the end of the day though, there is simply not enough being
done.
Why aren't we talking about these
things?
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This week I did something rather crazy/bold/refreshing/fantastic. I asked all my Facebook friends to stop being friends with me. I know you've all thought about it from time to time. I did it. I'm going to see if I can use Facebook in a different fashion. Use it as a tool to have in depth and intelligent conversations about a range of topics. I still have to see if that will actually happen, but if you were wondering how to get most people to unfriend you on Facebook, here's how I did it.
_____________________________________________________
Here it goes.
A couple of weeks ago I posted a quote that I found floating around the internet:
"Post your desires publicly. Whoever complains that you shouldn't want that, unfriend. Then ask for suggestions from the rest."
After that I did absolutely nothing. I was terrified. Fear got the best of me. "What if they don't like what you say?" "What about so and so?" "Aren't you being a little egotistical?" "Why do you think you are so important?" "Nobody else seems that upset, calm down wacko."
That's me, talking to myself. If you don't like that, please unfriend me.
If you're not engaged and interactive with me on Facebook, please unfriend me. If it's been years since we last talked, please unfriend me. But most of all, there are about to be numerous status updates from me. If you disregard them and move on, please unfriend me. If you find what I say offensive to the point that it upsets you, please unfriend me. If, at the very least, you can't try and open you're mind to what I'm saying and inquire as to why I'm saying it, please unfriend me.
Facebook is a marvelous tool, but I'm not using it correctly. I'm too often concerned by what people are going to think. I'm too bogged down in pointless updates that do nothing to enhance my life. I'm tired of it all.
I say this only with honesty and compassion. Never out of anger. I won't take it personally, I'm not offended, and I'll still think you are a good person. I hope that you will feel the same towards me.
I want to use Facebook as an intimate setting. A place where I can share my ideas and opinions, and hear yours in return. That is what I offer if you remain my friend. Someone who is actively engaging in the things you find important enough to share. Someone who is interested in what you have to say. Someone who will listen and talk about any topic you can imagine.
To put it another way; an actual friend.
If that's not something you're interested in, please unfriend me.
-Tyler
Here it goes.
A couple of weeks ago I posted a quote that I found floating around the internet:
"Post your desires publicly. Whoever complains that you shouldn't want that, unfriend. Then ask for suggestions from the rest."
After that I did absolutely nothing. I was terrified. Fear got the best of me. "What if they don't like what you say?" "What about so and so?" "Aren't you being a little egotistical?" "Why do you think you are so important?" "Nobody else seems that upset, calm down wacko."
That's me, talking to myself. If you don't like that, please unfriend me.
If you're not engaged and interactive with me on Facebook, please unfriend me. If it's been years since we last talked, please unfriend me. But most of all, there are about to be numerous status updates from me. If you disregard them and move on, please unfriend me. If you find what I say offensive to the point that it upsets you, please unfriend me. If, at the very least, you can't try and open you're mind to what I'm saying and inquire as to why I'm saying it, please unfriend me.
Facebook is a marvelous tool, but I'm not using it correctly. I'm too often concerned by what people are going to think. I'm too bogged down in pointless updates that do nothing to enhance my life. I'm tired of it all.
I say this only with honesty and compassion. Never out of anger. I won't take it personally, I'm not offended, and I'll still think you are a good person. I hope that you will feel the same towards me.
I want to use Facebook as an intimate setting. A place where I can share my ideas and opinions, and hear yours in return. That is what I offer if you remain my friend. Someone who is actively engaging in the things you find important enough to share. Someone who is interested in what you have to say. Someone who will listen and talk about any topic you can imagine.
To put it another way; an actual friend.
If that's not something you're interested in, please unfriend me.
-Tyler
It is terribly scary to be alone
Whether literally or figuratively.
Being on the outside of a group is frightening.
So be kind to others.
Buy a round for everyone, share a story.
Be willing to open up.
Best advice I ever got or can ever give
Be Kind.
This is the second post in my Zen and
the Art of Teaching series. Check out the first post here.
I'm going to do two things in this
post. First, I will tell you exactly how I wish I could set up my
classroom and interact with my students. Then I'll tell you why that
is so difficult to achieve.
Currently, our schools work in a
strange way. Kids are supposed to "learn" new material from
a teacher at school. They are then sent home and given homework which
is supposed to reinforce what they learned during the day. This is
100% the opposite of how I think things should work.
Here's what I would do. Instead of
forcing kids to learn new material at school we should send them home
with a podcast or assignment to research a new topic using the
internet. Wikipedia pages should be used often. All new material
should be learned away from school.
So you don't get kids looking like this. |
Why? You ask. Two main reasons. First,
this is exactly how the rest of us get information. If you want to
learn something new isn't your first stop Google or Wikipedia? "Oh,
I just heard about an anaconda. I have no idea what an anaconda is."
When was the last time you followed that by saying, "I'll go to
school to figure out what an anaconda is."
Schools aren't needed in that regard
anymore. They are not the source of knowledge. The internet has more
information on it than you could ever learn at school, regardless, of
how long you spent there. The teachers in the world can not give you
1/1000th the information that the internet contains on any given
topic.
So why do we treat young adults
differently? Mainly because that's the way it's always been done.
That was necessary. You did actually need a physical location to go
to where someone could teach you things. But that's not the case
anymore. Today, information exists and is available to our students
at the touch of a button, literally.
What do the kids do at school then?
Pictured: The actual button for information. |
Schools become the place where students
reinforce the knowledge. Where they go to trained professionals who
have extensively studied the subject area and know ingenuitive ways
to help students incorporate it into their lives. Students go to
school to make sense of the details, to add that layer of understanding that is necessary for true learning to take place. They go to school to ask questions instead of be told
facts.
That would be the first phase of how I
would teach in a perfect world. Reversing the manner in which we
absorb and retain information. The second phase would involve
interacting with students in every medium possible. I think Twitter
could be one of the greatest tools for connecting individuals. As
students are listening to a podcast or reading pages on Wikipedia
they can @mention or hastag their classmates, teachers, even people
from outside resources like National Geographic or Apple.
All this is possible with today's
technology and yet, I often see a backlash to innovation in the
classroom. Which brings me to...
The Challenges
I work at school that has a no
electronics policy. Not a "no phones in class" or a "no
ipods in the hall" policy. Any personal electronic is banned
from anywhere on school.
Is this policy followed? Nope. It does
not reflect the world we currently live in. It reflects a world some
people are trying to hold on to. A world where students came to
school and had no distractions and were perfect little angels. A
world which never existed.
Voldermort held on to that world too. |
Solution
Here's my two cents. It's idealistic
and unrealistic, but I'm young and can still afford to be both.
Besides, it's not like anyone in charge is pushing anything that great.
I want education to be treated like the
military. I want companies to compete for lucrative contracts to
provide the most cutting-edge equipment to our schools. I want the
best of the best to be given to our students not once in awhile, but
every single day. The most highly skilled people working should ALWAYS be the young because they've had years of hands on experience with the latest technology. This would insure that future innovations are continually being sought after by the people who, statistically speaking, will be around the longest.
I realize how silly that may sound to
some. I also know that there are people who read this and
agree. I leave you with a quote from the TV show The West Wing that
more articulately sums up my position:
"Education is the silver bullet. Education is everything. We don't need little changes, we need gigantic, monumental changes. Schools should be palaces. The competition for the best teachers should be fierce. They should be making six-figure salaries. Schools should be incredibly expensive for government and absolutely free of charge to its citizens, just like national defense. That's my position. I just haven't figured out how to do it yet." -Sam Seaborn, The West Wing (S1E18)
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On this week's podcast Rolando and I were discussing the changes Netflix is making as a company and when that morphed into talking about globalization and the positive/negative affects of technology, I kind of went off the deep end. This blog is to clarify my ramblings, and expand on a fun concept that my brain kicks around from time to time.
The gist of what I said:
“I think we are at the point in our
society when there is the possibility that we could develop a way to
connect our minds through the internet, or something like it. Not
just you sign in to facebook and look at what I'm doing, but your
mind is plugged into the internet, and my mind is plugged in and we
literally are one. We know everything there is to know about each
other. When/If that happens I think that is what religions are
striving for. To become one with all humanity.”
I didn't come up with this idea in a
vacuum (In fact, no idea comes from a vacuum, but that's a different
blog post). This is based on Ray Kurzweil's thoughts on the future of
technology and what he calls the singularity. The point when a
man-made machine becomes better than the human who created it,
mankind ceases to exist. He was on the cover of TIME a few months
back and there is a great story there.
Technology is on an exponential growth
curve. Each year it grows faster and faster because it is being
created with the previous years' new technology. Think of it this
way: Windows 8 OS isn't made on a computer running Windows XP, it's
made on a computer with Windows 7. Windows 9 will be made using
Windows 8. That's incredibly simplified, and not even entirely
correct, but it's a good example for what I'm trying to say.
Technology develops on an exponential curve because it uses the
newest possible technology to create the next greatest thing.
Our Smartphones today are thousands of
times more powerful than the first computer, and they fit in the palm
of our hand. As technology keeps progressing exponentially, why would
it be crazy to think that they could put our smartphones into our
brains?
For me, that's where things get interesting. The line between who you are as an individual begins to fade away. All of a sudden you can literally sign on, see, feel and interact with the internet using your own mind. The same way you can, right now, imagine and visualize signing onto your computer and reading a blog; in a few years you'll be able to actually do that. All in your own mind.
Using that technology, we create the
next tech. Which would be to completely remove any chip in our heads
at all. We could, theoretically, copy all the information on our
brains, everything that we are, and put it inside a computer.
Here comes the spirituality. Once you
do this, and I do this, and a guy in India does this, and a girl in
Russia... then we are connected. Not in a flimsy way that Facebook
tries to tell you are connected to all 500 of your friends. It would
be as if their minds were my mind. As if there was one collective mind
of all our combined knowledge, emotions and thoughts.
To me, that is Nirvana. That is heaven.
That is what it means to become one and achieve enlightenment.
This idea- or goal if you must think of
it that way- is talked about more often in Eastern religions than
Western ones. But just because we don't talk about it doesn't mean
it's not there.
Old Testament: Lev 19:18- Thou shalt not avenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people, but thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.
New Testament: Mark 12:31- And the second is namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these.
It doesn't say love your neighbor a
lot. Or love your neighbor like you love your children, or your wife,
or your best friend. It says love your neighbor as you love yourself.
Ask yourself who is the person you love
the most.
My guess is it's the person that you
know the best. That you've spent a lot of time with, because the more
you know a person the more love you have for them.
Now to bring it all back. Imagine this
world I'm talking about when minds can be shared. Not pieces of a
mind, or the flashy outsides that we display publicly. Everything a
person is. You would know them exactly as much as you know yourself.
If that happens, how could there be
anything but an overwhelming amount of love for one another?
That's a good intro. I'll expand
another day.
Thanks for reading.
One love.
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